What I Wish More People Knew About Therapy

One of the things I have noticed repeatedly as a therapist is that people often enter therapy with very different expectations. Some arrive with absolutely no idea what therapy is supposed to look like. Others arrive with a very specific list of things they want to change.

Interestingly, both can sometimes come with the same expectation: that therapy should work quickly.

I have had clients attend three or four sessions, notice that things have not suddenly become better, and decide that therapy simply does not work for them. And sometimes, genuinely, the therapist may not have been the right fit. That is absolutely possible. But it is also worth asking whether the expectation was that a few hours of therapy could undo patterns that took years to develop.

Our behaviours, thought patterns, beliefs, responses to our environment and ways of relating to ourselves and others are not things we developed overnight. Most of them have been built gradually, over years and sometimes decades. It would be incredibly unfair to expect ourselves to dismantle and rebuild them overnight.

This is also why I try to make one thing very clear with my clients from the beginning: progress is rarely linear.

There are simply too many things affecting us at any given point. Some are internal and some are external, and many of them are completely outside our control. Therapy is not about magically removing all of those factors. It is about gradually learning to work with the things we can influence and finding ways to cope with the things we cannot.

And learning takes time.

Sometimes, progress in therapy can actually feel like things are getting worse before they get better. Not because therapy is harming you, but because therapy can give you insight. You may start noticing patterns that you had never considered problematic before. You may become aware of how you respond to certain situations, how your thoughts influence your behaviour, or how certain things affect you emotionally.

That awareness can be uncomfortable.

A setback, therefore, does not automatically mean that you have gone backwards. Sometimes the fact that you are noticing the setback differently is itself a sign that something has changed.

Another misconception I come across quite often is that a therapist is supposed to agree with and validate everything you say.

Your emotions can be valid without every thought, belief or behaviour that follows from those emotions being healthy or helpful.

A therapist who genuinely cares about your growth should be willing to tell you when something you are doing may be contributing to the problem, even when it is uncomfortable to hear. Therapy is not supposed to be an hour of someone agreeing with you so that you leave feeling reassured. Sometimes it should leave you thinking, “I really did not want to hear that.”

And then there is perhaps the biggest misconception of all: that therapy is something your therapist does to you.

But that is only one hour of your week.

The rest of your life happens outside the therapy room.

You have to take those strategies into the real world, try them, observe what happens and bring that experience back into therapy. We then use that feedback to understand what worked, what did not and what needs to change.

I can hold you accountable for that process, but I cannot take that accountability away from you.

And perhaps that is what I most wish people understood about therapy.

It is a process of learning. Sometimes it is slow. Sometimes it is frustrating. Sometimes you will feel like you are making no progress at all.

And sometimes, you will look back and realise that the way you respond to something today is very different from the way you would have responded a year ago.

That change may not have happened overnight.

But that does not make it any less real.

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TL;DR: Therapy is not a quick fix, it's a gradual process of learning, unlearning, and practising new ways of thinking and responding. Real change takes time because the patterns we bring into therapy often took years to develop. Progress is rarely linear, and sometimes greater self-awareness can feel uncomfortable before it feels helpful. A good therapist won't simply validate everything you say; they'll also challenge unhelpful patterns when necessary. Most importantly, therapy doesn't end when the session does. The real work happens in everyday life, where you apply what you've learned, reflect on what happened, and bring those experiences back into therapy. Lasting change is often slow, but it's no less meaningful because of it.

~ Aayushi Agarwalla-Panda

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For a therapist or counsellors who can offer you both support & growth, reach out to CINQ.IN @ +91 8007566553 or visit our centre in Baner, Pune.