From disappointment to Understanding: The Power of Emotional Communication

I remember a small incident that stayed with me. There was an ice cream stain on the floor, and I had to sleep on that side of the room. For me, that wasn’t just a small mess it felt very uncomfortable, especially because I struggle with traits of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. So I went straight to the point and said, “Hey, clean that up.” The other person seemed uncomfortable and even a bit resistant. In that moment, I didn’t understand why. Instead, I got stuck in my own thoughts “Why can’t you just do this when it bothers me? If you’re my friend, shouldn’t it matter to you?” My mind quickly moved from this small issue to bigger doubts, even questioning the friendship itself.

Later, when I spoke to my therapist, I shared the situation just as it happened. I asked, “Why can’t people just understand?” Instead of giving me a direct answer, he asked me a few simple questions. What were you feeling before you asked him to clean it? Did you tell him about those feelings? Did you explain why it was bothering you and how strongly? If he knew all this, do you think he would still not help you? As I sat with these questions, something shifted. I realized I hadn’t shared any of my feelings. I had only given an instruction. And suddenly, all the overthinking and worst-case assumptions began to slow down.

What I also understood later was that, in that moment, I wasn’t even fully aware of my own emotions. I just knew I was uncomfortable, but I didn’t pause to understand why or to express it. This is something many of us do. We often jump into a “fixing mode” or a “telling mode,” where we focus on what the other person should do. But we skip an important step—sharing what we are feeling and why it matters to us.

This is where emotional communication becomes important. We often hear that “healthy communication is important,” but our idea of it is sometimes incomplete. We think it simply means saying what we want. But that is only the second step. The first step is helping the other person understand our inner experience what we feel, why we feel it, and how strongly it affects us. When we do that, we are not forcing action. We are giving the other person the information they need to respond with understanding.

And this doesn’t mean you have to get it right every time. Emotional awareness and communication are skills they build slowly. Sometimes you will realize things later and revisit the conversation. Sometimes you will reflect and do it differently next time. That’s completely okay. Like any skill, it grows with practice and patience.

Before asking someone to act and expecting understanding, pause and ask yourself “What am I feeling, and have I shared that?” Because often, people don’t respond to instructions as much as they respond to understanding.

~ Tanisha Honrao

---

 For a therapist or counsellors who can offer you both support & growth, reach out to CINQ.IN @ +91 8007566553 or visit our centre in Baner, Pune.