Aayushi Agarwalla-Panda

A part of me always thought therapy would make me feel lighter and lighter the further we went. I assumed that once I started healing, I would automatically feel more clear headed, decisive, confident, assertive. I thought progress would look like me finally doing and feeling better in all the areas of my life that had been affected by my emotional condition.

Over time, I began to notice a pattern - how difficult it felt to ask for help, how uncomfortable it was to receive it, and how quickly I would feel indebted when someone did show up for me. Especially with emotional support or even small, everyday favours, there was always a quiet thought in the background: If you can do it yourself, you should. Why involve someone else? Why add to their load?

here’s a certain kind of relief that comes when tension settles. When a difficult moment passes, when someone’s mood lifts, when things feel “okay” again. For some of us, that relief feels deeper than just comfort—it feels like something we earned. Like we did something right. Over time, that feeling can quietly turn into a role. Not one we consciously choose, but one we grow into; becoming the person who adjusts, who smooths things over, who makes sure everything stays manageable.